ON SPIRITUAL WATCH

'Getting An I In'  by  Trish

I settled myself on the hard chair. I waited and watched.
It was a discussion, come, sort of forum, for those interested in gaining, a deeper understanding of spiritual life.
People took their seats with  hushed movements,
and the hall was soon full.

The spiritual master was introduced, with great reverence,
by a very thin, very pale, nervous young man.
The young man kept talking and twitching his frail shoulders,
as he searched frantically through his pockets,
until he found what he was after. His notes.

As this was my first real encounter with the deeper realms,
every word was important.When it came time, for the master to speak, he went into vivid detail,  about the path of destruction,
we were all travelling. People nodded, smiled knowingly at each other, eagerly applauded the path of destruction, at every deadly turn.

After some time, the master explained that, the young man who'd introduced him,
was an apprentice? as best I can recall, an apprentice spiritualist.
The apprentice was being trained, to take over the leadership,
in the event of his masters death.
The master now begged, the audience to feel free, to ask questions,
and, said that tonight, the apprentice spiritualist, would have the honour of responding.

Enter,another wise one, I'll call him  Teddy.
He was sitting directly behind me, and put forward needling little scoffs and snorts
It was a  while before I could get a look at,
what turned out to be, a font full of wisdom. Finally,
in an agony of inquisitiveness, I turned and blatantly stared.
The mischievous look in the eyes of the presentable man, behind me,
was not a surprise, the look told me, my suspicion was correct, he was intent,
on making a right git, out of the, in training, future master and of any one else,
he could get his very white teeth into while at it.. He started to back the disciple,
into a corner with questions like,
'where did the money come from to hire this hall tonight?. Do you get a wage?
I had to pay to get in here tonight, who gave you the right to sell god?;
Before the disciple could gather his wits, or his, again misplaced notes,
Teddy threw him a taunting 'do you eat meat?'
'No, no I don't eat meat, nor fish, nor fowl'.
The pale young man mopped his brow with a big white handkerchief,
his body visibly limp with relief that he seemed,
to have found some common ground with his antagonist.
But relief was short lived.

'Do you eat vegetables?' asked Teddy, 'Yes, yes, only vegetables.'
Quick as a cat pouncing on a mouse, Teddy sprang forth with,
'well what about the insects you kill when you dig up the soil!'
The master moved quickly to the side of his spiritual disciple,
and made a brief speech about, the need to finish early tonight,
and to meet  here at the same time next week. Then, in a thirty second burst of passion,
he implored his audience, to, in the mean time, look within and ignore the without.

The disciple seemed frozen to the spot. The only sign of life, on him,
was the blood red that crept from his neck, up and over his chalk white face.
Suddenly, like a puppet pulled sharply by a string from above, he bent forward,
and screamed at Teddy 'if the insects are eating the vegetables, well jump on,
the little buggers!!' The audience cheered wildly, and at the same time stared daggers at Teddy.
I twisted this way and that to keep up with the war like debate.
In my opinion, Teddy won hands down.

I didn't come across Teddy again, but I did hear, in passing,
that some Harri Krishna heavies had tried to turf him out of their restaurant.
He'd, again, in his deep spiritual search, been lighting,
emotional bonfires as he went on his way.
Ah well, I'm sure he meant no harm.

Tushie  (1989)