IT'S ALL IN THE MIND



'Mr Ribsky'  by  Trish



"Stop right where you are, you're not to enter this place,

 not unless I invite you to come in.

Oh, you intend to keep on with your intrusion. So be it.

You'll be sorry you ignored my warning.

The last man to enter this abode without my invitation, never left. I ate him.

I began chomping and chewing early in the  morning,

and kept it up all day.

By night there were nothing but bones to tell the tale of him. My devoted friends crushed the left over bones into dust. I used it as face powder. It lasted for ever.

Well, for the short time you'll be here, you might as well enjoy yourself.

Would you like to take a champagne swim in my marvellous marble bath? 

Of course you would! While we wait for my dear friends to prepare the bath, I have to warn you it takes absolutely ages to fill it with all those bottles of fizz. Its really  an enormous amount of work to maintain such a magnificent,  marble monument.  But all of my friends chip in and that takes care of  that for me! Now! as I was saying,

while we wait, let's eat the food they've provided.! Fruit, cheese, chocolates. Wonderful!!

Lord you hardly eat enough to keep a mouse alive. I like mice.

Once I lived in a building full of  the little darlings.

Their small, smooth furry bodies are so cute. But they have such sad, elfin faces.

If I was unfortunate enough to see  one with their sweet eyes closed in death,
my heart  would almost break.

Come man, don't look so dismal, enjoy your last minutes or hours on this earth.
Ha! Ha!, At last! My friends have informed me, our champagne bath is ready.

Off with your clothes my fine fellow, and  please! stop shaking. Is it fear or cold that causes you to tremble so? Of course! it's fear! Don't you think this warm champagne is the most delicious experience?  Of course you do! I could luxuriate in it for ever. Just one more thing then we're ready. Faithful friends, music please! And be sure your instruments are tuned to perfection. Play as if you are an orchestra  from heaven. Play as you've never played before or will again!  Well even if you do play beyond yourselves on another occasion, my new found friend, Mr Intruder, won't be around to hear it. Now, my new found friend, as soon as the drums begin to roll, take a slow, deep breath,.. and ..under  wheeeeeeeeee go!

Mr Intruder! Mr. Intruder! You silly man! Next time I won't fish  you up! I thought you were going to stay under forever! Don't guzzle the champagne like that! The way you're gulping it down one could  believe you had the capacity of a camel! I said, stop drinking!!

My late husband, 'Mr Ribsky' may he rest in peace,' he too used to drink  the champagne while we swam and bathed. Why he'd even sneak into our marble bathroom, and steal from the store of bottles kept especially  for our marble bath bathing. That's his picture on the wall there to your right. He'd put on a lot of weight just before that picture was taken. He was never any oil painting, but that picture just doesn't do him justice. I am one who always gives credit where it's due, and that is not the real him, no! it is not the Mr Ribsky I was married to. He was a very kind man, he wore his heart on his chest, always had done. I warned him,about the heart on the chest business and the champagne issue,  but he wouldn't listen. He came to a very nasty end. What was his end? You'd like to know?  Really? Well then, let me tell you. It happened like this. One night just as our Grandfather clock struck midnight, on the very last stroke,  from far away, we heard a haunting cry, it was..........

                                                       (to be continued)

Tushie              1991